Did I mention...

a book? Yes indeed- it is coming- now, how do we prepare the word?


Through these brown eyes
By Clarissa Nielsen, Inspired by Mary Snyder


Prologue: Brown eyes

Reflection. What is that, that I see when I come face to face with what appears before me? A mirror. A girl's worst enemy. A portal? When I woke up this morning to glamorize myself, I came into contact with the very object that gets projected to the world daily and I saw me. I saw messy red hair, a cheesy smirk, sweat pants, and a sweat shirt (yes I sleep in winter wear- I am always cold)! I do not know what it is about this reflection, but I cannot withdraw and slowly, inch towards the object. Getting closer and closer,  my nose fogs up a tiny portion of the mirror. Turning my head slightly to the left and then to the right, I suck in my checks and begin to examine my skin for pimples and hairs that do not belong; I despise those hairs. Once satisfied by making alterations, I descend another inch and am immediately drawn to the brown eyes. Yes, they are just circles of color, but in the middle, there is a door; a tiny black circle door with a tiny little door knob. If you stare hard enough and long enough, you can gain a glimpse of a keyhole; how old fashioned. One would think that with all of the modernization that has taken place,  keys would vanish and something more efficient and convenient would replace it.

Well, in between your very hands is a tiny, tiny little key for my tiny black circle door. turning the page turns the key to unlock the doors. Enter at your own risk and enjoy.

So, this is life now

I have to apologize for not diving into this blog a little more. Itzzz been crazy over here! But, to fill you in.

We've Moved-South! 

Barely, but we have managed to completely uproot our little family and make the venture to Omaha. Today, was the first day that it has actually felt real. Everything that I have grown attached to, is now three hours away-if not father. I expected to miss everyone, but was not sure how much. For those times, I just keep reminding myself that it is going to get easier- everyday will be easier; besides there is a Target practically in my backyard!

This is it ------->        6423 N. 78th street- Omaha, Ne 68134

I took a picture to capture all of the boxes and "stuff" that we hauled all the way here, but the very sight of the picture made me feel overwhelmed- BUT- there has been progressed made. When the hubby counted- i think he said that we were down to 8 boxes left- just need to figure out where to unpack those boxes.  

ALLLLLLSO- as many of you may know, on September 19, 2011 at 7:22PM another little girl joined our family.  

Miss Paxtynn Natalie Nielsen-  8lbs 12oz;  221/2 long

Lil chub-chub is what we call her- and she came out with smiles galore. She is a wonderful baby and we definitely feel blessed to have her. This labor experience was mmmmmuch better than the first; that is what is expected- as I have been told. But, same result, a beautiful little girl to hold and kiss and love forever.

I will confess: I love being a mother and a wife.

I thank God everyday for the life he has given me. I thank him for the hard times that made me stronger and the precious times that made me feel overwhelmingly blessed. I have a wonderful husband that is a hard worker, two baby girls that I get to watch grow up, two dogs that keep me warm at night, and a wonderful-supportive family. Godsent--YES! 

And one last thing...

November 28- today- marks 4 years....4 years since we were told I was going to die from cancer- boy were they wrong- and thank God!  I don't feel like going into all the details of that heartache, but i will just continue to sit in awe and continue to cherish every day. I want soo badly for my girls to see and feel just how precious each day is. I know many survivors out there, but then I know even more people who have parished to the devastation and my heart aches. For that reason- I will always pray- daily- if not- hourly :)

Remember: Isaiah 41:10

¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you;
   do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
   I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

 ¹¹ “All who rage against you
   will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you
   will be as nothing and perish.
¹² Though you search for your enemies,
   you will not find them.
Those who wage war against you
   will be as nothing at all.
¹³ For I am the LORD your God
   who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
   I will help you.

Four Candles

Dear little miracle inside me,

You have been quite the surprise! I can imagine that you will continue to do  that throughout your life and we are excited. We are slowing preparing for you to join our family, but it is all still a shock. I am already madly in love with you and cannot wait to feel you move, meet you, kiss you, and hold you. I am eager to see you grow into your personality and be a part of your journey. You are my dreams come true and I love you!

Not even two years ago we were told that it was highly unlikely that we would deliver a child. We had two miscarriages before your big sister Elianna came along and we did not expect to go full term with her, but surprise, surprise God gave her to us.  Now, it is your turn; no pressure. 

I will pray for you every step of the way; Elianna will learn to pray too. When you get here you will have a loving family that will never stop telling you that they love you.

Now- no more surprises!  I love you and will see you in 4 weeks! (at the first ultra sound)


Love,
Mommy & Daddy

.

Four candles; one for each of our children

the girl that stole my heart

Her name is Elianna Parker Nielsen. She was born on June 29, 2010 at 11:17PM. This is my favorite "first moment" picture. I can remember her feeling so warm and looking so confused. I can remember holding her and talking to her while the knot in my throat grew bigger. I tried not to cry, but it was impossible. The tears streamed down my face and all I wanted to do was jump up and down with EXCITEMENT! I was so happy that she was finally here...32 weeks crept up fast.

And from there, time stopped. Just two weeks after this photo was taken, my heart stopped and my eyes filled with tears. I could not talk and became paralyzed with fear and devastation.    ...I was bleeding.

I did not want to lose my baby.

This time- we made it 34 weeks! We could not lose her now...I could not lose another baby and survive it.

- when I arrived in Sioux Falls, her heart was still beating. I listened to her heart beat for three days. I sat in that hospital and heard other babies cry and I so badly wanted to hear mine.

 Ultra sound after Ultra sound- they could not find anything wrong with her or the placenta, so they said that we could go home! I was thrilled and could not wait to get the cathader out! However, at the same time I was sad and scared. I did not want to return home, to lose her. I wanted to stay at that hospital where they could monitor her and make sure that she was okay. I wanted to stay at the place where they could make sure that she survive.

 I did not want to leave.

 But- my husband picked me up and took me home. From there, I went to my doctor every week. I tracked her movements and cried every time I heard her heartbeat. I prayed for her every chance I was alone with God and I told her that I loved her over and over and over again.



40 weeks took forever!

 But when she was ready to come, waiting seemed worth it. This photo was taken at 6:00AM on a Monday morning. Aron and I spent our last weekend together as a childless married couple and I can tell you- we could not think about anything else, but her...

Labor was a journey in itself. I will not get into all of the details, but the majority of the time, I was thinking about food. :)        I do not know if it was the epidural or the poor "eat whatever I want" diet that I had throughout my pregnancy, but I would have paused labor, at that moment, for a diet cherry pepsi and a scotch-a-roo bar!  However, the process went on and in a few short hours, she was in my arms.

   ...and then straight into her daddy's

This is the man that said he was not going to look when she came out and if anything he said that he would not cut the cord....

 ....no comment

 Anyways----

After packing up and leaving the hospital, our journey home began. I can remember checking her every two seconds hoping that she was comfortable and praying that she would be okay. I would give my life for her. She was a very easy baby. I was a very "new" and worried mother. I did not sleep for the first month. I held her and kissed her every chance that I got and thanked God every second I got. I have never felt this lucky in my love. I have never been this in love with something soo small and perfect. She is perfect. She is the girl that stole me heart.

I love you Elianna! You will be a great big sister!

6 months, happy, healthy, and beautiful!

two lines

My day started off a little rough. Poor little Elianna did not sleep well at all. She was up every 2-3 hours and right when I managed to fall asleep, it feel as if she was just waking me up again. Well- at 5:36AM, I decided to venture towards the bathroom- a common meeting place for myself and the toilet (I can bet that I every time I wake up in the middle of the night.)

Anyways, upon this particular pee, I directed towards one of the most advanced technologies that I would ever pee on...and peed on it.

Previously, I had taken two other test and both were negative. But, I was having heartburn and acid reflux after drinking or eating non-acidic foods; so I knew something was up.

While waiting for the results, all i could think about was when i first found out about Elianna. I could feel my heart start racing and my eyes start watering. Its crazy that I can just close my eyes and be back in that Walmart bathroom stall staring at that stick. I remember seeing the results and just panicking- mainly in disbelief! I went blank in the face and ran out to my car. I ran so fast that I left my wallet behind. All I could do was look at that pee stick and think to myself- wow I am finally going to be a mom!

When the two lines became visible the other night, tears filled my eyes and loved filled my heart. I was so excited and thankful that God is going to send me another little blessing. These past six months with Elianna have been absolutely amazing. I have never loved something more in my entire life. I love watching her and feeling her cuddle up to me.

The reality of having another baby still comes and goes, but after talking to my doctors today, its setting in. September 5, 2011 is when our little miracle or miracles will arrive (remember twins run in my family).

Life is good!

grr

grrrrrrrrrrrr