Life is short

I could not sleep past 6:30 this morning. I have no idea what kinds of thoughts were swimming through my head, but I cold feel restlessness through my body and soul. To explain it, my eyes felt alive and anxious for what today could bring. My hands felt like meeting the world and embracing it. And my heart, beating with love. Beating with purpose; Purpose that I find hard explaining because I a do not know or simply, I do not remember.

A few weeks ago, I attended a funeral to celebrate the life of a great man. I find my heart to still hurt when I think about the loss of a good man on this earth. It is near impossible not to cry when I think about all of the shit that came out of his mouth. It was hard to tell that that man could be serious, but when it came to his family, friends, and career, he was nothing but serious and full of passion. It was always easy to see the good in this man heart and feel his unconditional love for children and others. He knew his purpose on earth and lived it every single day of his life.

I miss him. I cherish the time that I have had with him and so much wish to have had more.

We all know how precious time is, but most of us do not value the time that we have until someone Else's time runs out.

I feel like I have been in a rut for some time now. I have been searching but waiting for my sense of purpose to rise again. I am not the kind of person that literally sits and waits, but I am not actively reaching out or looking through binoculars; I just want to be railroaded. :)   

I have not been told that I am going to die, but sometimes I still feel like the end of my life is right around the corner. So, I guess now, I am searching for my purpose; for my chance to be something that my children look up to and value.

I started with a bucket-like list:  (but I am allowing those that I love to help me)

1. Learn to play the piano.

2. Crochet a hat.

3. Form a strong relationship with God.

4. Pray every day and teach my children to pray.

5. Serve people in church.

6. Keep my van and office clean and organized for a month straight.

7. Find my purpose and live it out every day.

8. Be a good woman, a better wife, and the best mother.

9. To write a song and sing it in front of people.

10. To find my voice again and use it to inspire.

I feel that 10 is a good jumping off point. There are lots of things listed that I know that I cannot do by myself, but can accomplish through building community; which becomes family.     And we all know how important "family" is to me.